Family Home Theater

Grade: C-
Entire family: No (13 and older)
2018, 80 min., Color
Horror
RLJE Films
Unrated (would be PG-13)
Aspect ratio: 2.35:1 widescreen
Featured audio: Dolby Digital 5.1 stereo
Bonus features: C-
Trailer (spoilers)
Amazon link

This Christmas horror anthology touts Constance Wu (Crazy Rich Asians, Fresh off the Boat) and Jonathan Kite (2 Broke Girls) as headliners of an ensemble cast that’s composed of unfamiliar faces except for Maria Olsen, whom movie-lovers may recognize from her appearances in Paranormal Activity 3, Reunion, and Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief.

People wanting to see Wu and Kite will have to be patient, though, because their sketch is the last of five in All the Creatures Were Stirring. Connecting them is the clever device of a man and woman on what appears to be a first date (“Is this a date? Should I even ask that?”) who decide to ease the tension by going into a small theater to take in a live show on Christmas Eve. Onstage are three performers who, it’s implied, act out each of the sketches that are introduced by a stone-faced director (Olsen) whose hair and attire can best be described as clown-like. The exaggerated seriousness and the performances all scream “hipster,” but instead of watching the actors do their thing, once their performance begins the camera fades them out and a filmed segment featuring totally different actors fades in.

There’s an admirable self-consciousness at work here, because after watching the first sketch—“The Gift”—the man tries to stifle his laughter, while the woman says, “What the hell was that?” He responds, still trying to control himself, “I have no idea.” There’s also playful confirmation that the material might not exactly be high drama because a few more people in an already small audience leave the theater after each sketch, until there’s just three left in the audience at the end: the awkward daters and a man who keeps staring at them.

But the sketches themselves are a mixed bag. Not surprisingly, the one with Wu and Kite is the best of the bunch, while others showed some promise and still others were dull, strained, or lacking in something—originality, quality of acting, etc. More

Grade: B
Entire family: No (10 and up?)
Action thriller
Warner Bros.
Rated PG-13 for action/peril, bloody images and some language
Aspect ratio: 2.40:1
Featured audio: Dolby Atmos TrueHD
Bonus features: C-
Includes: Blu-ray, DVD, Digital Code
Trailer
Amazon link

Trailers for The Meg made it look like another nature’s monsters film of the exploitative Gila! or Lake Placid sort, so our family was pleasantly surprised that it played out more like a less sophisticated cousin of Jaws. It was a much higher quality film than we expected in terms of production values, screenplay, acting, and special effects.

There isn’t the same level of character development as there was in Steven Spielberg’s original shark tale, nor were there as many iconic scenes, or those fabulously frightening John Williams musical cues. But The Meg delivers a plot that makes more sense than most disaster/monster flicks, and it doesn’t skimp on the outrageous action sequences that cause you to gasp or react with nervous laughter. CHOMP! There it is!!

Here’s how Warner Bros. describes the film: “Five years ago, expert sea diver and Naval Captain Jonas Taylor encountered an unknown danger in the unexplored recesses of the Mariana Trench that forced him to abort his mission and abandon half his crew. Though the tragic incident earned him a dishonorable discharge, what ultimately cost him his career, his marriage and any semblance of honor was his unsupported and incredulous claims of what caused it—an attack on his vessel by a mammoth, 70-foot sea creature, believed to be extinct for more than a million years. But when a submersible lies sunk and disabled at the bottom of the ocean—carrying his ex-wife among the team onboard—he is the one who gets the call. Whether a shot at redemption or a suicide mission, Jonas must confront his fears and risk his own life and the lives of everyone trapped below on a single question: Could the Carcharodon Megalodon—the largest marine predator that ever existed—still be alive … and on the hunt?” More

Grade: B+
Entire family: No, no, no
2016, 117 min., Color
Horror-thriller
Rated PG-13 for disturbing thematic content and behavior, violence, and some language
Universal Pictures
Aspect ratio: 2.40:1
Featured audio: DTS-HDMA 5.1
Bonus features: B
Includes: Blu-ray, DVD, Digital HD
Trailer (spoilers)
Amazon link

M. Night Shyamalan’s Split is a solid thriller right up until the end, when the director decides to play to his fans and his own indulgences, rather than tying things up for viewers in a more satisfying way. But using the reverse situation of Panic Room, Shyamalan manages to put characters in jeopardy and keep them there for the duration of an otherwise tense and effective film.

Split is obviously inspired by the sordid news story out of Cleveland, where three young women were held captive in a basement by Ariel Castro. The bus driver had targeted two of them because they were friends with his daughter. The women were raped and tortured in captivity for more than a decade before their miraculous rescue.

Rather than tell that story, Shyamalan wisely chooses to stay clear of extremes and instead create a PG-13 thriller that teens can watch—a cautionary tale that reminds them it’s not just “stranger danger” that poses a problem. It can be something as innocent as a party, where the girl’s father offers to drive two of her friends and a “pity invite” home, with the girl’s approval. Instead of a sex-driven abductor, Shyamalan offers a less tawdry and more interesting alternative: a captor who has multiple personalities. The most sexual the film gets is when we learn that one personality “likes to watch young girls dance naked,” but in another wise move the director avoids nudity and instead has one of the girls spend part of the film without a top (wearing only a bra) and another without pants (wearing only panties).

If this 2016 film were a TV series it would probably be called The James McAvoy Show. The Golden Globe nominee (Atonement, 2007) gives a tour de force performance as Kevin Wendell Crumb . . . and Dennis, and Patricia, and Hedwig, and Barry, and Orwell, and Jade—seven of the 23 distinct personalities that share the same body. As he goes from character to character you can even see a believable transformation in his facial features—not just the expression, but the way his face looks.

More

Grade: B-
Entire family: No
2016, 81 min., Color
Warner Bros.
Rated PG-13 for terror throughout, violence including disturbing images, some thematic material, and brief drug content
Aspect ratio: 2.40:1
Featured audio: DTS-HDMA 5.1
Bonus features: D (deleted scenes only)
Trailer
Amazon link

I can’t explain why teenage girls like horror-thriller movies so much, but I can tell you that the two who watched Lights Out with me were satisfyingly scared. This 2016 film won’t ever be considered top-fright entertainment, yet it manages to play the genre game fairly well.

At the heart of all horror-thriller films is this simple concept: It’s HERE! No it’s not. It’s HERE! No it’s not. It’s HE—AHHHHH! Usually there’s a build-up of tension before the release, but present-day horror-thriller dabblers don’t seem interested in that or anything else besides the simple formula for scaring people.

Lights Out is based on a short film by director David F. Sandberg, but the expansion to feature-length film doesn’t include any simmering set-up. We’re thrown right into a horror situation and then, like people corralled in a dark room, we’re subjected to the “It’s HERE” nope “It’s HERE” jumpfest—one that’s milked for all it’s worth with the addition of loud musical cues. One of the girls gave it an A-, while the other thought it a B-. Either way, both girls said they’d watch it again—and hopefully understand more about what was going on.

I doubt it. Without sliding too deeply into spoiler territory, let me just say that there isn’t a satisfactory explanation for the horror phenomenon that haunts this film, primarily because the apparition itself inexplicably changes. One minute it’s substantive, and the next minute it’s more wispy—kind of like the ending, which seems to make sense unless you think too much about it. That holds true for the beginning, too.

What does that leave you with? The formula, of course. In this variation, when the lights go out (and sometimes they go out as a result of the horror phenomenon) an apparition appears and seeks to harm people. It’s not just anybody that the apparition targets, either. It’s a particular family. Rebecca (Teresa Palmer) moved away from her mother (Maria Bello) and much younger brother, Martin (Gabriel Bateman), in order to stay sane. You see, the mother talks to an imaginary person and is chronically depressed. So why is young Martin still living with her? Good question, and another one that’s never answered. All that matters is that Martin freaks out when the lights turn off and he starts seeing this apparition . . . as his older sister once did. Who is it? What is it? What is it after? Those are the questions that are never fully answered, but which drive this horror-thriller all the same.

If all you require of a horror-thriller is that it scares you, then Lights Out does the trick. If you need it to make complete sense, well . . . it’s NOT HERE! But hey, that’s the world of the supernatural. As with magic, do you really want to know everything?

Sex: People in bed after implied coupling, but nothing shown
Language: A few “shit”s and that’s about all I remember
Violence: Clawing, choking, dragging people into darkness
Adult situations: A phenomenon tries to hurt or kill people, and one death with blood is shown, while others are off-screen; a character also commits suicide
Takeaway: When the formula works, it works